once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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