Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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