I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Why can't burritos get me drunk
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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