sarcasm needs its own font
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You peed on a flamingo?!?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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