My cat gives me a boner
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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