all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
