I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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