Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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