he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
