he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
