I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
