Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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