You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
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Why is there bacon braided in my hair
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
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I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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