They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
