I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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