update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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