If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
