i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
