Christians are straight up FREAKS
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
