id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
