whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
