he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
