well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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