First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
