I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
