Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
