He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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