she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We left the knife in your bed.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
