But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my morning after pill in the library
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Randomize