textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
