dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
