I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
