My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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