cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
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Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
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we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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