I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As shirtless as possible
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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