Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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