i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
