So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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