I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
