The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
