I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
