There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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