My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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