Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
