I'm laying in your front yard are you home
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So many bounce houses so little time
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
