I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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