Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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