If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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