Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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