You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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