Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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