ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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