So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
