What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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