Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
