we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
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Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
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He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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