Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
