never play flip cup with pint glasses
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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